I started out this post attempting to be meaningful and poetic, but honestly I don’t know if I have it in me to attempt to be poetic.
I’m currently sick as a dog with either the flu or a bad cold. I have no idea what has gotten ahold of me, but I do know it has detoured ALL of my holiday/end of the year plans.
I wanted to finish cleaning my house. I wanted to purge my wardrobe and de-clutter to prepare for the Tiny House. I wanted to take really cute portraits of Asa and I before 2017 while I have the lens I rented. I wanted to make lists and figure out how to plan a wedding and plan the rest of my Tiny House… But y’all… It just didn’t happen.
I am WAY too sick.
So I am starting 2018 out sick. I started 2018 with a kiss on the cheek from Asa. I started 2018 tired. I started 2018 unsure of how I’m going to achieve anything on my to-do list. I started out 2018 with a goodnight phone call from my favorite and we prayed together over this next New Year. We prayed over our friends and our families. And we prayed for our relationship and our lives to reflect Jesus.
I want 2018 to be a year of revolutions. I want so badly to see God’s face in everything He’s doing. I want to be aware of it all. I want everything I’m doing to glorify Him.
I am terrified of becoming a wife. I’ve never been one before; I just want so badly to be a good one. I’m terrified of being a homeowner. I want so badly to prevent getting caught up on the things I own. I’m terrified to start a health plan, because I don’t want to fail or disappoint myself, but all of these things I plan on doing anyways despite fear.
SO. 2018 is going to be a “I’m trying my best.” and a year of “I’m not taking myself too seriously.” kind of year. I just want to focus on my priorities and focus on not stressing the small stuff. I want Colossians 3:17 to be a living verse in my life. “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” I plan to nurture the things and relationships that help me become better. I want to grow.
I hope in 2018 we can lift each other up. Support each other. Edifying. No competing. Just community.
But anyways, I’m starting to ramble due to the alkaseltzer, so I’m gonna make a list instead of sentences.
2017 Taught Me
- Love is real. It’s persistent. It’s relentless. It chases down all the ugly parts of you and flips it on it’s head and makes things new and beautiful. It’s a choice. Everyday.
- Jesus loves me more than I could have ever fathomed. All the things and people that rejected me in the past and hurt me made way for the people and the things I have now.
- Sweating the small stuff leads to stress
- Stress is stupid. Anxiety is a liar. Nothing is perfect.
- It’s okay to not feel okay. It’s NOT okay to let or make others feel not okay. Apologize. Often.
- You will lose battles. You will lose people. You will never lose Jesus.
- Some times a good cry and a soft kiss on the cheek is the best medicine for a hurting heart.
- Praying for people is never something to take lightly. God hears. That person hears. You are an example of Jesus. Don’t be lazy in the quest for spreading the gospel. Don’t be militant. Be genuine. Pray for people the way you would want them to pray for you. Conviction for someone or something is everything.
- Clutter really does hurt me.
- Owning a business doesn’t exactly get easier or more difficult with time. It gets different everyday.
- Prayer is never a waste of time.
- Singing truly makes me happy. And I love playing music more now than I ever have.
- Don’t take your family for granted. Love them shamelessly, proudly, boldly, and with everything you have. Same for your friends. After all, they’re family too.
- Don’t let the voices whispering in your ear win. They’re all talk anyways.
- Don’t undermine anyone. It’s rude.
- Speak up when it’s time to speak.
- Stick around where you’re celebrated.
- Stop running. Fulfillment will never come until you accept where you’re at and make the best of what you’re given.
- I need to sleep more and take self-care more seriously.
- I need to love who I am completely. Jesus died for me. ME. I am not anything special aside from Him, but He thought so highly of me that He died for me. In Him is my value. I need to remember this and appreciate that.
- You can not do everything alone. OCD is stupid. Being a perfectionist is insanity and hurts people around you. NOTHING is worth that. Nothing is worth stressing yourself out. Everything will be okay.
Things I look forward to/ I want to do in 2018
- Finish the Tiny House. Every Saturday is reserved for Construction. I’m getting married in April. I NEED a place to live with a faucet, a sink, and heat.
- Marry Asa
- Eat better
- Plant more Lemonbalm and Rosemary
- Appreciate the moments I feel pretty and happy
- Grow my business
- Celebrate my clients
- Be shamelessly opinionated for the positive side of life
- Be intentional
- Spend money intentionally
- Save money intentionally
- Be a good steward of blessings God’s given me
- Update this blog more
- I want to travel more
- Play more music
- Write more music
- Go to more concerts
- Less small talk; more genuine checkups
- I want to give more gifts. I haven’t figured out how I want these “gifts” to be, but I want to give more. Period.
- Learn more Spanish and Japanese
- Celebrate more cultures
- Share my love of different cultures more with people
- Learn more covers to old country songs
- I want to sing to Asa more. I know this may seem silly, but I ADORE when he sings to me, so I’m hoping to encourage some reciprocity in this area
- I want to enjoy working out again
- I want to kayak often again
- Cook more and learn new recipes/techniques
- Learn better vocal habits
- Create more art
- Dress cute. I have lost my style y’all. I used to look crazy cute all the time, and I miss this. Time to bring it back and feel good. Less frump.
- Kiss Asa A LOT.
- Dwell in Jesus.
What are somethings you want to see/do in 2018? What are your goals and intentions? How do you plan to tackle these things?
One thing I think the end of 2017 has revealed to me: I’m finding my voice again.
For the longest time I had SO much anxiety over posting anything on social media. A previous relationship had convinced me that I shared too much, that nothing I said mattered, that I looked silly, that I shouldn’t think the things I do, I shouldn’t talk about the way I love Jesus so much… “What will people think?” “No one will ever love Jesus as much as you do.” “No one will ever be interested in these things. Why do you love such silly things so much?” Etc… And I realized this year that hearing that over and over really did a number on me and make me scared to speak. It’s a battle I’m constantly having to overcome.
When I decided to get serious with this blog, and with much encouragement from Asa, I started to feel like I am finding my voice again. The response from everyone reaching out to me after reading this blog has been mind blowing to me. I never in a million years would have guessed people would be so supportive and interested. Thank you so so so much for reading and for reaching out to me. Thank you for sharing your journey with me in the private messages and comments. Thank you for the opportunity to pray for you. Thank you for your love and support. I hope you have a wonderful 2018!