If you’ve made it this far, I’m honestly shocked. The holiday season is exhausting for me, but it is my favorite time of the year too. This is JUST the Christmas celebration portraits. I haven’t even talked about the birthdays.
My birthday is 2 days after Christmas. We celebrated eating Indian food. It was SO good! And then 2 days after my birthday is my Aunt Fay and my cousin Luke’s birthday. And then 2 days after that is Mama’s birthday AND it’s New Years Eve.
Christmas time is hard. It’s a whirlwind, but I’m thankful for these people in my life and I’m thankful for such a large family.
So my heart’s racing because I’m thinking, “This is too weird. Is this a proposal? Did he lie about where the ring was?!?! What if we’re really just hanging out and I get all excited and it doesn’t happen? Surely he is not going to be this mean. He knows not to play fast and lose with me especially about marriage/engagement related things. I can’t handle it.”
My job is to focus on Jesus. My job in our relationship is to lift Asa up. My job is to pray for him always. My job is to be his best friend and to love him. Race things at the end of the day don’t matter. People will believe what they want. People will say what they want. As long as I know where I stand with Jesus, everything will turn out okay.
Well, after I said that… Things got weird. His whole demeanor changed. He looked sad. He looked upset. So he drops me off at our meeting place and we both went separate ways. On the way home, I cried. I cried because I knew I had said something that he didn’t want to hear and because I knew his dream was to move to Japan after he had graduated. And I cried because I knew I wasn’t going to change my mind. I couldn’t. My first ministry is my family, and that is my calling.